Friday, March 19, 2010

a westfield advertisment

(Westfield, Penrith)

Westfield CEO: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for joining me in celebrating another year in Westfield's history.

We are proud of what this shopping centre chain has done for the world. It has provided a place for parents to raise their children and spend countless weekends in our airconditioned cathedrals, in holy supplication to the great spirit of consumerism.

Within these walls we learn the importance of passivity to B2C marketing, overt product placement and brand leveraging. We also come into holy commune with the great currency of our epoch: credit. Being able to spend what isn't even ours is a gift from heaven, we should all be thankful.

Our children should also be thankful. To be raised on prime commercial real estate, charged to retailers at premium rates (ching-ching), within the highest state of suburban artifice accessible to the public is something the ancients would smile upon.

These children use their time constructively here. They do not “loiter” as the media claim. They do not “vandalise” selectively placed advertisements of photoshopped female models with few career prospects or sexual hangups. These young angels spend their hours/lives inside these emotional glasshouses learning the intricacies of the retail economy, buzz marketing and product cycles. They are our future.

Join me in congratulating them.

(unanimous applause ensues).

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